Frozen in Time

I live in oblivion, frozen in time.

November, 2010 was the cruelest month of my life.

As Mom fought for her life on her deathbed, my marriage died.  I saw it die before my eyes.

Mom’s death stripped me to my rudimentary origins.

Like a black hole in space, compressed by an unfathomable force of gravity, I felt the weight and power of mortality.

Trapped in an event horizon of agony and loss, for the first time in my life I knew completely the perception of despair.

Compressed to a point of nothingness, the critical mass unleashed is all that remains of me.

Now I exist in a vacuum, resistant to everything but the truth.

The truth is: I saw my marriage end, knowing full well how to save it.

I lost both Mrs. Bolados in one month.

I loved Mom…

I loved my wife…

The slow kill is the cruelest.

On my wedding day, I had it all figured out.  When the day came and I lost Mom, my wife would comfort me.

All of my life, my calculations on such matters of life and death had always been perfect.

I’d never been wrong about love and life.

To not discern the betrayer so close to me was my worst sin.

I’ve never dealt with betrayal well.

The problem isn’t the treachery.

How do you reconcile the breaking of a wedding vow and still have a marriage?

Forgiveness was easy—I forgave her in an instant, even though she never asked me to.

But remission does not erase the memory.

In remembrance exists the consequence.

I choose pain over reconcilement not because it is the easy way.

I filed because it was the right thing to do.

All of my life, I’ve stood on the side of right.

At the lowest point of my life, I was confronted with a dreadful choice.

I could be right…

…or I could be married.

I chose right.

 

baltazarbolado.com

On twitter @Baltazar_Bolado

Author of Publius: Libertas Aut Mors & Sword and the Pythia

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